It is also important to make amends, so that those what is alcoholism who have been affected by an addict’s choices can also find their own closure. Making amends is part of the process of not only seeking forgiveness from others, letting them know how sorry we are, but also in working to forgive ourselves. Without it, we are likely to fall into our same old patterns in order to cope with the pain. One must also show sorrow over what one did, how one hurt the other person and the pain it caused them.
- Steps 8 and 9 in the 12-step programs talk about « making a list of all persons we had harmed » in step 8, and « making direct amends, wherever possible » in step 9.
- If approaching the other person opens up old wounds or re-traumatizes them, making amends isn’t advisable.
- Your relationship with a higher power—no matter how you define it—can help you to remain open and willing, even as you acknowledge hard truths about pain you have caused to others.
- Respecting their boundaries is part of the process and shows further commitment to personal responsibility.
- Adam Vibe Gunton is an American author, speaker and thought leader in addiction treatment and recovery.
Committing to Family Therapy
Accepting responsibility is a big step, often needing respect for others’ boundaries. When people are not ready to hear you out, it’s important to respect their wishes. Sometimes, direct amends can’t be made because they might cause more harm, as Alcoholics Anonymous warns. The journey to heal relationships in recovery starts with making amends.
How Taking Responsibility Improves Recovery
Making amends, even attempting to make amends— is not easy. Making amends can lead to a lot of overwhelming feelings like fear, anxiety, or pride. It’s worth noting that making amends doesn’t mean everything will go back to how it was before. Some relationships might not be repairable, and that’s okay. https://oralselect.com.br/alcohol-and-pregnancy-medlineplus-medical/ What matters is that you’ve done your part to take responsibility and grow from your mistakes. Making amends goes far beyond just saying “I’m sorry.” It’s about taking responsibility for your actions and actively trying to repair the damage done.
Willingness to hear about your loved ones’ fears, anger, triggers, and feelings, and to do this without becoming defensive. Many of us find it helpful to reflect on our amends after making each one. Perhaps the person is no longer living, or you no longer have contact with them and reestablishing contact would cause more harm. However, even if you feel extremely motivated to make direct amends, it is advisable to take your time with this step.
Your sponsor or accountability team can help you accomplish this goal, as you’ll need to decide who to speak to in order to offer amends. Making amends is an integral part of personal growth and healing. It is so imperative to make amends with those people whom you have wronged that it is outlined, clearly, in Alcoholics Anonymous. Steps eight and nine of the Twelve Steps specifically call for amends.
For Treatment Providers
Even though this may be painful, you need to accept that you cannot control how others respond to this part of your recovery journey. Amends in the context of Alcoholics Anonymous are actions that demonstrate a new life in recovery. They go beyond mere apologies by requiring members working steps eight and nine to take concrete steps to repair the mistakes and damages caused during their addiction. Unlike mere apologies, which are just words, amends involve actions that align with one’s intentions and personal values, illustrating a commitment to change and personal growth.
Breaking Down Step Nine Of AA Alcoholics Anonymous
Committing to the 9th Step Promises can often result in profound improvements within an individual’s journey toward sobriety. This path emphasizes humility and the readiness to rectify past mistakes, promoting personal development. These step promises highlight the need for persistent effort in their realization, which paves the way for lasting trustworthiness and alleviates apprehension related to making amends. Advancing through the 9th step amends process cultivates a profound appreciation for serenity and enhances our sense of well-being and security.
Apologize (Sincerely)
Becoming a ”better person” means that we are less willing to engage in destructive behaviors, mostly because we are aware of how much they cost us in human misery. That self-centeredness is replaced by an awareness of other people, and instead of being indifferent, we begin to care. However, it is worth mentioning other types of recovery programs will also include the amends process at a specific point in your program. Millions of people have found peace through making amends in recovery, even when the road felt uncertain.
- As we go into this step we must remember to stay connected to a higher power and have faith that the previous eight steps have prepared us to work the Ninth Step.
- An apology allows an individual to hear what another person feels, determines what action or behavior is or isn’t appropriate, and provides an opportunity for the hurt person to heal.
- Making amends is vital for the recovery journey as it helps us recognize the harm we have caused and take responsibility for our actions.
- Going into the meeting knowing what to say shows the other person that resolving the matter is essential; being detailed in the conversation demonstrates care and concern.
We come to understand that we are good people with a bad disease. Steps 8 and 9 help us to move out of the shame we have lived in, shame that feeds the cycle of substance use and addiction. We strengthen and reinforce healthy recovery whenever we do our part to repair relationships or reach out to others with support and understanding. Step 9 also allows one to practice the processes of self-reflection, accountability and making amends, all key components the next step, Step 10. By proactively and “promptly” admitting wrongs, those in recovery may be able to prevent future conflicts that could trigger a lapse in unhealthy behaviors or a return to use. In Step 9, participants acknowledge the negative impact their addiction had on others and commit to direct amends where possible.
How Addictive is Crown Liquor: The need for alcohol rehab
- I’m sure you’ve heard that the steps are written in a specific order for a reason.
- It can be intimidating to face those we’ve hurt, fearing rejection or anger.
- It also offers others a chance to gain resolution or a deeper understanding of your recovery journey.
- Take some time to think about the experiences you’ve lived through.
Now, it’s only natural to initially feel a mixture of anxiety, guilt, and hope when starting this process. It can be intimidating to face those we’ve hurt, fearing rejection or anger. It’s equally important to prepare for the possibility that some amends may not be accepted or that healing will require patience over time. These programs highlight this work in their 8th and 9th steps, which involve acknowledging those harmed and taking responsibility by making things right wherever possible. Making amends can change lives, but forgiveness is not guaranteed.
Making amends helps repair relationship problems caused by addiction. While the process may seem daunting at first, you can make amends in a way that’s sincere and respectful. This can be a powerful way to move your healing journey forward. Remember, this is a Twelve Step process that can provide a platform for healing, but the person we are reaching out to may not be at the same place in healing as we are. We are only in control of our part—making and living the amends. As with alcohol and other drugs, we are also powerless over other people.
It is important to remember that indulging in selfish acts can impede our spiritual progress. In this journey, we not only grasp the true meaning of the word serenity, but we experience it inside of our soul while we also see loneliness disappear as we nurture our overall wellness. When we know living amends peace, it is not just knowing the definition, in the context of the AA promises, it is about getting truly acquainted with the experience of peace. A deeper dive into these “extravagant promises” demonstrates their reality unfolding within our journey of recovery, doing the work, and experiencing certain spiritual beliefs coming true.